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Annual Dilbert Post

Szczekociny festival poster


Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, has said that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.

Every year at about this time I like to check the newspaper with his list in mind, to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.
This year, I did my checking in the middle of this month, so these entries may seem a little dated. Just a little though. Anyway, the template is:



1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE

2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE

3. POLITICIAN DOES SOETHING ILLEGAL

4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX

5. EXPERT WARNS OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY

6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY

7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING

8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS

9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL





Does that breakdown hold for the news of mid January 2013?



1) Extreme weather.

 Drought in California raising alarms, seen as fire threat.

2) Idiots kill innocent people.
Always too easy. Leaving war and terrorism out of it, this  headline seems to reference the usual random sort of crap, like this.

3) Politician does something illegal.
Fortunately, when a politician does so he often announces thereafter that he is "healed."

Much is the rejoicing.
4) Primate Attempts Inappropriate Sex
I'm tempted to assert that the president of France counts as the primate in question. But hey, let's stick to non-human primates. Inappropriate trans-species sex may have been the motive behind the attack on Joey Essex. Be careful what you seek, Mr. Essex, you might find it.
5) Expert Warns of Financial Calamity

The expert, Michael Pettis, is warning that growth rates in China are falling-- very bad news for those outside China who have bet big the other way.  And of these there are many.


6) Big Company Buys Another Big Company.
Men's Wearhouse and Jos. A Bank.


7)  This is the 'celebrity news' category.
Dennis Rodman's Korean Marilyn-Monroe impression fits here nicely.

8) A Scientific Discovery ....
The phrase "could one day" is a big give-away here. (micro-windmills)

9) Government fails to achieve a goal.
Of course! The governments of NY and NJ, and their appointees on the Port Authority, not only can't resolve gridlock, they seem to have caused gridlock for the poor drivers of Fort Lee. That happened months ago but the scandal seems only to be intensifying now.






Adams is right. We're in a loop.



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