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Annual Dilbert Post



Scott Adams, the cartoonist who created Dilbert, likes to say that there are only nine news stories, constantly re-written.

Every year at this time I check recent stories with his list in mind to see if he is right. I'll start with his wording unmodified by examples.

 1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE

2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE

3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL

4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX

5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY

6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY

7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING

8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS

9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL

I did the research for what follows a couple of weeks ago, in mid-January. I'm too lazy to do the updating -- feel free to play along yourself if you like. But the point stands, these stories are the same ones that are in all the papers all the time. I'll try for some geographical diversity as we go along.

1. Extreme weather?

Cold weather snap in San Diego County, where they aren't supposed to know what cold weather means.

2. Idiots who kill?  Always too easy.

3. Politician does something illegal? Let's take this one from South Africa. Lots of 'heavy' stuff is going on in South Africa these days. But a recent politician's arrest there involves something rather mundane, a scam listing live people as dead in order to cash in on their funeral policies.

4.  For the fourth category I'm going to cheat a little by referencing a primate (a gorilla in Germany) who achieves perfectly appropriate sex, but does so in an unexpected and non-simian way. Doesn't exactly fit the template, but I'm amused so I'll include it anyway.

5.  Fanancial calamity looms? A UK exit from the European Union would be exactly that, an "economic disaster," august folk tell us.

6. The more promising assets of a big [though now insolvent] company, Hostess, have gone for $390 million to Flower Foods.

7.  Jodi Foster comes out as a lesbian. I think. sort of.  Famous person? Obviously. Interesting? Your call. The rambling nature of the speech draws attention, anyway.

8. Scientific discovery that might eventually be useful? How about a cesium-atom clock?

9. Government fails to achieve a goal? I think that is a fair description of the really monumental smog problem afflicting the capital city of the People's Republic of China. Surely that wasn't itself a goal???

Yes, I think Scott Adams has a point. We're in a loop!
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