The year 2020.
As the ball dropped, the First Quarter told its brothers, "watch me guys, I've got something special planned for this one."
In January the govt of the Maldives warned that it could lose entire islands to the rise of the ocean level due to global warming,
On Jan. 21 the US CDC announced the first case of coronavirus in the US, in Washington State.
Over the last week of January the impeachment trial of Donald Trump played out in the Senate.
On Feb. 7, the Chinese doctor who tried to issue the first warnings about the pandemic, died after contracting the virus.
A week later the newspaper publisher McClatchy filed for Chapter 11 protection.
On Feb. 22 a flat earth conspiracy theorist died after the crash of a homemade rocket he was using to try to test his theory. Social darwinians rejoiced at the implicit evidence for their rightness.
By the end of the month the pandemic was running wild in Iran, Italy, Austria, and Spain.
On March 5, the first death of Covid-19 was confirmed in England.
On March 7, Argentina reported its first Covid-19 death.
Ireland cancelled its St Patrick Days parades this year doe to the spread of the pandemic.
March 22, Zagreb, Croatia had its strongest earthquake since 1880.
At the end of the month, a museum in the Netherlands reports that it has been raided and a priceless painting by Vincent Van Gogh has been stolen.
END OF QUARTER.
The new retiree says, "Gee, I sure made a mess there, didn't I?"
Second quarter says, "hold my beer."
April 1, Whiting Petroleum Corporation, which was once the biggest oil producer in the Bakken Shale, declared bankruptcy.
April 14, as coronavirus continued to spread in the US, Donald Trump settled on a scapegoat. He announced that the US is suspending funding for the World Health Organization pending an investigation of its role in the pandemic.
April 15, in France, the 2020 Tour de France was delayed until August.
April 27, the number of worldwide cases of Covid-19 passed three million.
May,. In the early days this month, reports circulated of giant Asian hornets, sometimes called "murder hornets," having been spotted for the first time in the US.
May 3. A hacker claims to have stolen the information of 91 million users of the Indonesian e-commerce site Tokopedia, and plans to release the info through the "dark web.'
May 14, the Naval Safety Center of the US Navy disclosed hazard reports of Navy pilots who have encountered UFOs.
By May 19th a major flare-up of Covid-19 was underway in Brazil, with more than 17K confirmed cases.
May 25, Police in Minneapolis killed George Floyd with a knee to the neck, Riots erupted.
Late in this month there were skirmishes between Indian and Chinese troops along the Himalayan border they share.
June 3, Russian President Putin declared a state of emergency with the leak of 20,000 TONS of oil into a river north of the Arctic Circle.
June 7, a KKK Leader drove a car into a group of protesters during the George Floyd protests in Virginia, wounding one.
June 14, as counties in Florida reopened their beaches, the state govt reported Covid-19 numbers. Two consecutive days of 2K each.
June 23, porn star Ron Jeremy accused of rape, pleaded not guilty.
END OF QUARTER
First quarter said, "Nice effort. I especially loved the murder hornets."
Third quarter said, "The porn star ending was a nice touch, but you guys are PIKERS! Let me show you how one wreaks havoc."
July 3, Two hundred and seventy five unexplained elephant deaths are reported in a reserve in Botswana.
July 6, India reported 24,000 new cases of Covid-19 within one day, an impressive 1K per hour.
July 22, Exports from South Korea fell to their lowest level since 1963, as part of the Covid-created collapse of trans-Pacific shipping.
July 30, the President of the United States suggested that the upcoming election could be postponed, something that nobody in officialdom even suggested during either of the two federal elections (including one presidential re-election campaign) that took place during the country's civil war.
August 2, nearly 8,000 people were evacuated from Cherry Valley, CA due to a wildfire.
August 4, explosions in the port of Beirut, Lebanon killed more than 135 people, injured thousands, and caused shock waves and property damage all over the city.
August 12, the US reported 1,500 new deaths from Covid in one day.
August 15, a Japanese oil tanker broke in half off the coast of Mauritius, foundering on a reef. The accident will kill dozens of dolphins.
On each single day near the end of August India alone was recording more than 76,000 new cases of the Coronavirus.
[I should wait another months and insert September's worst news here but ... naaah.]
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Now THAT, he said triumphantly, is how you fuck the world up! The earlier two retirees applauded in awe. "Dead elephants, dead dolphins, and dead humans dude, well done."
But the fourth quarter looked bored and as it stepped up to do its own job it said: Okay folks. Play time is over....
"On Feb. 22 a flat earth conspiracy theorist died after the crash of a homemade rocket he was using to try to test his theory. Social darwinians rejoiced at the implicit evidence for their rightness."
ReplyDeleteIs this death the product of social Darwinism or genetic Darwinism? If the theorist was stupid because of nature (his brain was inferior), then that would be genetic, as people with inferior brains are less fit to survive. If he was stupid, however, because of nurture (he had psychological problems, had a poor education, or was raised among people with similar beliefs), then it would be the result of social Darwinism.
Of course, it could be a combination of the two.
ReplyDeleteThe combo platter would be my guess. I'm going to be saying something a little more serious about social darwinism here next week.
ReplyDelete