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A long-abandoned favorite: Scott Adams' loop theory of the news



I haven't done this since 2016. I used to work it in fairly often: once a year or more. Scott Adams, of Dilbert comics fame, said that we're in a loop, in which a small number of news stories is endlessly repeated. As if our universe is The Matrix, and its coding economizes by repetition.

Making this argument, he listed nine headline you'll find in tomorrow's newspaper. 

1. EXTREME WEATHER BATTERS SOMEPLACE

2. IDIOTS KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE

3. POLITICIAN DOES SOMETHING ILLEGAL

4. PRIMATE ATTEMPTS INAPPROPRIATE SEX

5. EXPERTS WARN OF FINANCIAL CALAMITY

6. BIG COMPANY BUYS ANOTHER BIG COMPANY

7. FAMOUS PERSON DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING

8. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY MIGHT BE USEFUL IN TEN YEARS

9. GOVERNMENT FAILS TO ACHIEVE A GOAL

I'll match these up against real news, trying for some geographical diversity as we go along.

1. A hurricane just hit Bermuda.  

2. Idiots who kill?  Always too easy. 

3. Politician does something illegal? Today's example (just for the sake of some geographical range here) will come from Thailand. 

4.  If we mean non-human primates (as Adams does), the most recent example I can find (at least without hard work) comes from Scotland. The Edinburgh Zoo reports the death of one of its chimps from injuries incurred in a fight that broke out, of course, "around breeding time." 

5.  Financial calamity looms?  Some experts are concerned about a "maturity wall," a major spike in defaults on mortgages in commercial realty, and a CRE led crash. 

6. If you're planning on flights over the Pacific Ocean, you might want to pay attention to this one. Alaska Airlines now has court approval to buy Hawaiian Airlines.

7.  Travis Kelce, though accustomed to a buzz cut, lets his hair grow out a bit. Riveting news for Swifties it appears. Interesting? Your call. 

8. Something sciency that might eventually be useful? A UK plan to send billions of solar cells into orbit, where they will presumably be immune from cloudy days. 

9. Government fails to achieve a goal? Prime Minister of Japan has just stepped down as his party's leader over his failure to control inflation. He "pulled a Biden," as the Japanese press is saying. 

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